i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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