I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
