you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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