How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
