I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
vagina is talking i cant
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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