I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
