did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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