They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
