wat bout pragnant strippers??
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
