proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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