I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
