Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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