$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
its not stalking. its research.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
