took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
