True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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