I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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