so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
