Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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