guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
