mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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