that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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