You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
