i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
