So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
