Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
