Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
