So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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