if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
