awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
