I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
