True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think my vagina is haunted
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
