she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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