One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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