He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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