I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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