I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
