I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
