all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
