He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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