My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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