do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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