Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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