if you like me you must not know who I am
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I think my fart just growled at me.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
