I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
