Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
