Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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