you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
