he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
