things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
