How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
