she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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