So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
