I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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