you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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