Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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