so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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