is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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