she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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