I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He keeps bees of course he's weird
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
