So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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