How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize