dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
home. puking in laundry basket.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
